Money Hater

I was raised Catholic, so ever since I was a kid I was presented with evidence of my stupidity.

I vividly recall my 1st grade teacher (Sister Mary Hope) reading the bible story where the snake tempts Eve (Who, by the way, must have been weak as hell if a piece of fruit broke her will. I can only imagine how she’d react to being offered a Snicker bar.) with the apple and thinking, “This 127 year old woman is trying to tell me that a snake can talk. She must think I am stupid. Why would she think that? Hmmmm….Shit, maybe I actually AM stupid.”

I have since learned that being skeptical of anyone contending that snakes can talk does not make one stupid. Unfortunately, I have also learned that I am stupid for a variety of other reasons. I was reminded of one of these reasons this evening.

I needed a few things from the grocery store; tortillas for my leftover fajitas, cheese, milk, cereal and a few other things, so I drove to the store that is half a mile from my house. Near the cheese was a shelf that had a variety of salsas on it. These salsas are refrigerated. I have no idea if they need to be, but I immediately assume that this refrigeration is an indication of their superiority to other, non-refrigerated salsas. It isn’t. It’s a rouse. I know this because every 8-14 months I convince myself to buy one of these containers of fancy (in my stupid eyes) refrigerated salsa. They are always inferior to the boring non-refrigerated salsa that I buy. But, being stupid, I keep buying them.

Tonight as I perused these salsas I even said to myself , “You idiot. You know you’re going to get home and find it is bad and instead of throwing it away, you’ll toss it into the fridge where it will sit for 3 months.” I bought it anyway. I hated it. It is in my fridge.

Sister Mary Hope was right, but she has no idea why.