Money Hater

Look at this.

I am not one to subscribe to conspiracy theories, but after watching the game between the Twins and the Yankees last night I am having a hard time believing that baseball isn’t fixed.

Officials blow calls all the time, especially when it is something subjective like a charge in basketball or pass interference/holding in football. The game happens fast and bodies are contorted and flying around. This, however, was much different. All this guy had to do was watch and see if the ball landed on one side of the line or the other, and it appeared (I am admittedly no expert on officiating) that this umpire was in the perfect position to make the call. This wasn’t a 117mph serve off the racket of Roger Federer that is gone in a poof. It was a baseball that was in the air for several seconds that everyone in the building had a pretty good idea of where it would land. It was not even close to being foul, yet the ump inexplicably called it that way. It was the equivalent of showing the guy a photo of Lassie, asking him, “Dog or cat?” and having him proudly answer, “Cat.” What the hell?

Baseball umpires rotate positions, so this guy sometimes is behind home plate calling balls and strikes. We’re supposed to believe that he can decipher whether or not a baseball traveling upwards of 90mph fits into an imaginary strike-zone box, yet he cannot even make the correct call when a thick, chalky white line is provided for him? Does baseball really view its fans as being that stupid?

It’s hard enough to give a shit about baseball when (a) there are a bazillion games, most of which don’t matter, (b) the teams with the most money can just buy the best players, creating an extremely uneven playing field and (c) the performance enhancing drugs issue was handled so poorly by baseball’s leadership. (Hey, Selig, maybe you should not only legalize PEDs for your umps but actually require PED use for all umps, for their performance could clearly use some enhancement.) Now you’re telling me that your officials are being paid off, or are merely more incompetent than common sense can fathom. Really? This is the depth that “America’s Pastime” has sunk to? No thanks.

Fuck you, baseball. Go away. It’s football season.

I was raised Catholic, so ever since I was a kid I was presented with evidence of my stupidity.

I vividly recall my 1st grade teacher (Sister Mary Hope) reading the bible story where the snake tempts Eve (Who, by the way, must have been weak as hell if a piece of fruit broke her will. I can only imagine how she’d react to being offered a Snicker bar.) with the apple and thinking, “This 127 year old woman is trying to tell me that a snake can talk. She must think I am stupid. Why would she think that? Hmmmm….Shit, maybe I actually AM stupid.”

I have since learned that being skeptical of anyone contending that snakes can talk does not make one stupid. Unfortunately, I have also learned that I am stupid for a variety of other reasons. I was reminded of one of these reasons this evening.

I needed a few things from the grocery store; tortillas for my leftover fajitas, cheese, milk, cereal and a few other things, so I drove to the store that is half a mile from my house. Near the cheese was a shelf that had a variety of salsas on it. These salsas are refrigerated. I have no idea if they need to be, but I immediately assume that this refrigeration is an indication of their superiority to other, non-refrigerated salsas. It isn’t. It’s a rouse. I know this because every 8-14 months I convince myself to buy one of these containers of fancy (in my stupid eyes) refrigerated salsa. They are always inferior to the boring non-refrigerated salsa that I buy. But, being stupid, I keep buying them.

Tonight as I perused these salsas I even said to myself , “You idiot. You know you’re going to get home and find it is bad and instead of throwing it away, you’ll toss it into the fridge where it will sit for 3 months.” I bought it anyway. I hated it. It is in my fridge.

Sister Mary Hope was right, but she has no idea why.

Poker players have big egos. They all think that they play better than everyone else, and they all think that their way is the best way. I am as guilty of this as anyone. In fact I don’t just think I play better than everyone else, I also think that everyone else is terrible. I didn’t always think this way.

I used to think that just about everyone played and understood what it meant to be a “poker pro” better than I did. Most of the people with whom I discussed poker (mostly via the 2+2 forums) advocated doing things that I thought were completely terrible, yet they spoke with the utmost confidence. I wasn’t 100% sure that the things I was doing were correct, so I would listen to just about anyone. I solicited the opinions of many different people about a variety of poker-related topics, and the vast majority of time I would disagree with what they had to say. I took this to mean that I didn’t “get it” on some level. After all, these other players do something completely different than I do. What’s more likely, all of them being wrong and me being right, or all of them being right and the one lone guy being wrong?

I have since realized that the overwhelming majority of poker pros are the ones who don’t “get it”, and have come to find great humor in it. (I suppose that it is a bit sick and twisted to take pleasure in watching the inevitable demise of people who have no idea it is coming, but there are few things I (and I suspect many others) enjoy more than watching an egomaniac fall flat on his or her face. It’s like reality TV, only real.)

Today I was talking to a friend who was playing in the $200/$400 game. As I was leaving, another player in the game invited me to stay by saying, “We’ve got a seat open here.” I gave the same sarcastic response I always give when asked to play in an extremely profitable game that is unfortunately too big for my bankroll, “No thanks. I could never beat this game.” (What most,(like this guy) don’t understand is that this game was the best game in the building. These players are simply awful. My buddy called down with Q-high on a J-high board against the preflop 4-bettor and won. The 4-bettor had Q4. My buddy had QT. $2/$4 players don’t play this bad.) After I walked away he said, “That is why I asked him to play.” The player in question has lost over $1,000,000 in the last 3 years. I did not make that number up. He has actually blown over $1,000,000. I have not lost that much. Nor have I ever been in debt. Or broke. Or even close to broke.

Before I started playing $100/$200 at Commerce I asked a lot of “knowledgable” people, including a person who currently runs a poker coaching website and charges up to $500/hour for his poker wisdom, their thoughts on how I’d fare in that game. He told me (free of charge) that I wouldn’t be a winner. His opinion turned out to be worth what I paid for it. I am actually a huge winner in that game, and even uprooted my life and moved across the country to play it. Did I mention that you can pay $500/hour for this poker wisdom? What a bargain.

Another player who for years was worshiped by the 2+2 poker community told me that my approach to the game was too simple minded, and thus as a result my success would be greatly limited. He is no longer playing poker, because “God told me He had something better for me”. Again, I am not making this up. I cannot speak for God, but I suspect that He doled out this divine wisdom after taking a look at this guy’s checking account.

The list of examples of ego run amuck is endless.

A friend of mine who has been a high stakes cash game pro for over 15 years, upon hearing that one well known tournament pro had a nickname, said to me, “His nickname should be ‘busted’, because he is always asking us to borrow money.”

Most of the people you see on TV are stone broke and playing on borrowed money. Throw a rock at a group of people who call themselves “poker professionals” and you’re sure to hit someone who is broke or close to it. Yet all these guys think that they are the best and have it all figured out. Just like I do.