Money Hater

Poker hands, especially live ones, often tend to take on a pattern or rhythm. It is a dialogue between the players. One player acts, the next player responds. I don’t think it is necessarily something that people are consciously aware of, but I think if people took the time to think about this they’d realize it is true.

I played a hand recently where I tried to use this rhythm to my advantage.

An aggressive played raised in late position, I 3bet from the SB with KQo and he called. The flop came KT8r. I bet, he raised, I 3bet and he called. The turn was a 4. I bet, he raised and I called.

To anyone with a modest understanding of limit hold’em, it looks like that I have a decent hand. I 3bet preflop and on the flop. Once I call the turn raise, I appear to be in call-down mode. The hand is a conversation, that starts with his preflop raise.

His preflop raise: I have something pretty good.

My preflop 3bet: I like my hand too.

His preflop call: OK. My hand isn’t great.

My flop bet: I have the lead in this hand so I have to bet.

His flop raise: I have a piece of this flop.

My flop 3bet: I understand that you have some of this flop, but I have more of it.

His flop call: OK. I understand that you really like your hand, but I have something.

My turn bet: I still like my hand.

His turn raise: I know you have made it clear you like your hand, but I think mine is just fantastic.

My turn call: I have something that I cannot fold. Let’s see what you got.

At this point we are deep into a rhythm in this hand, and my last action basically says to him and anyone paying attention that I am now going to call him down and see what he has. They could start the “call-down” music at this point, just like the “exit” music they play at awards shows when it is time to end the speech and walk off the stage. We know what happens next; the recipient walks off the stage holding a statue and everyone claps. The same is true here. Everyone knows where this hand is headed once I call the turn raise; I call down and we see what everyone has.

Just like with music, people can anticipate what is coming next given the rhythm of things that came before. Everyone fully anticipates what will come next, and when something happens that is unexpected, people take notice. If a cymbal crashes off beat in a song, it will stand out and anyone paying attention will wonder what just happened.

I attempted to use the cymbal analogy to my advantage in this hand.

My intention was to check/fold the river if I didn’t improve my hand, but then the river card was an Ace.

I checked the river just like most would expect me to, he bet just like most expected him too and now everyone is waiting for the last line of the song, which is for me to call the river bet. But I did not. I raised. Instead of graciously walking off the stage when the music started, I instead hopped on one leg.

The hand was flowing along smoothly and now suddenly there is this weird ending that didn’t seem to fit. My hope was that this “cymbal crash” would make people (especially my opponent), stop for a moment and wonder why the hand suddenly took this strange turn. I did not have the lead in the hand. My opponent was driving things and I seemed content to follow but then suddenly I do something to draw attention to myself. Why? Why is this guy suddenly hopping on one leg? Everything was going along as expected and now this? Hmmmmm.

Given that the river was an Ace, I wanted this break in the rhythm to make my opponent stop and think about what I could have. Given the way I played my hand up to this point, it sure looks like I have exactly AK. I was hoping that my play would startle him, make him think for a moment about what would make me crash this cymbal, and then fold his T8 or K8 or KT to my obvious AK.

He didn’t. I lost.

There is a deranged old man who is quite frequently in my game. Actually there are several deranged old men who quite frequently play in my game, but only one of them has a woman’s name. He has a very distinct, almost schizophrenic way of speaking, and his motions are always very rigid and square. He carries himself in such a way that I get the impression he views himself as a very polite and proper man. He is far from either.

This BoyNamedSue (BNS) has many annoying yet hilarious quirks that, when combined with his speech and mannerisms, make him almost seem fabricated. Like someone took the strangest qualities of several old men that they knew and combined them to create a sitcom character who would be living above the garage of his son and daughter in law. He is a human caricature.

Yesterday the BNS must have had a second cup of crazy with his breakfast, for he was in fine form. On several occasions he blurted out, “Stop it!!”, not loud enough to be considered a yell, but loud enough for everyone at the table to take notice and surely too loud to be considered merely speaking. It was unclear what he wanted stopped. Was it the raising of his blind, or the choir of voices that surely resonates inside of his head? No one can know for sure. I was tempted to inquire, but like the camera guys for National Geographic, I figured it was best not to interfere with nature and instead just observed the spectacle before me.

Whenever the BNS loses a hand, he does something. What that something is depends, but typically it involves staring daggers at the dealer and some form of gibberish that may or may not be intelligible.

When the BNS identifies a dealer that is no good for him, he will often sit out until that dealer’s time is up. This method is quite common among deranged live poker players, but he is a wily one and has other ways of combating bad dealers. His most common tactic is what I refer to as his folding “waggle”. If he likes his hand, he will act very quickly, but if he hates it, it is time to begin the pre-fold waggle.

Typically the waggle will begin with him staring dementedly at the dealer for 2-3 seconds. He then will look at either his cards or his watch, in no particular order, but he will look at both. (Sometimes he even adds a third leg to this step and goes cards-watch-cards or watch-cards-watch, or even watch-cards-outerspace.) We have speculated that he does this as a way to say to the dealer, “You gave me these awful cards. When is your time up here, dealer? I hate you.”, but this is only speculation.

Once he has done the card-watch move, he then casts his twisted eyes back on the dealer for 2-3 more seconds. He then (sometimes, but not always) looks away and slowly, deliberately pushes his cards toward the muck. Once he has folded he will sometimes tap the felt. The motivation for this at this point is unclear. His waggling slows the game down a bit, but it is a real treat. It’s like watching a wild animal. You know what kind of animal it is and what it probably will do, but you can never be quite sure, so you are always on the edge of your seat.

Yesterday’s dealer was particularly unsatisfactory for the BSN and to express his derision he blurted out “Get up!!!” at the end of the dealer’s down, before the dealer even knew it was time. Usually BSN’s crazy comes at predictable times, so this caught me off guard and startled me a bit. The BSN had observantly spotted the next dealer walking over, and did not want to risk getting another hand from the current dealer.

“Get up!!!”, he growled again. “The other dealer is here. Go. Go. Have a nice day and go now.”

He then folded his hands in front of him and waited to begin the entire process again with the new dealer.